There’s something I noticed in myself a while back that I haven’t been able to un-see.
I give my most patient, most generous, most present self to people I barely know. The new acquaintance. The colleague I want to impress. The stranger who needs directions. I show up for them gracious and warm, with all my best edges.
And the people I love most — my family, the closest ones — too often get what’s left. The tired version. The distracted version. The one running on empty at the end of a day I already spent being wonderful to everyone else.
And me? I come last of all. If at all.
There’s a natural order to care, and most of us have it completely inverted. We treat acquaintances like honoured guests and our dearest people like furniture. We give ourselves whatever scraps remain.
I don’t say this to shame either of us. I say it because once I saw it, I couldn’t stop seeing it — and seeing it was the beginning of changing it.
Here’s the part that matters most, though, because I don’t want this to become one more thing to feel guilty about:
Putting yourself back into the order of care is not selfish. The depleted version of you doesn’t actually serve anyone well. When you keep some of your best for yourself and the people closest to you, you don’t become less generous. You become more capable of the kind of love that actually lands.
You are not the last name on the list. You are on it.
This week, I’d offer you one gentle noticing: where have you had the order of care backwards? Where are you giving your best to the periphery and your leftovers to the centre — including yourself?
You don’t have to fix it. Just see it. The order can be turned right-side up, one small choice at a time.
One clear move at a time.